Living in a neurotypical world when you are not a neurotypical girl series.

It has been Neurodiversity Celebration week 2024 (March 18-24) this week which is all about educating and promoting worldwide neurodiversity acceptance, equality and inclusion in schools and workplaces.

I, Michelle Shavdia, was late diagnosed with ADHD, dyspraxia and dyscalculia at 37 years old, and ever since have been on a mission to raise awareness into the misunderstood condition of ADHD as well as shining a lens on the overlapping neurodivergent conditions so that we are all better informed and getting better support. 

This blog is going to focus on neurodivergence at work.  Did you know that 20% of employees are neurodivergent?! And that 1 in 5 people have experienced harassment or discrimination due to this?!  ADHD people for example are often excluded or dismissed, on the receiving end of negative comments/jokes; demoralised, humiliated or degraded.  ADHD adults are 30% more likely to have ongoing employment issues, 3x more likely to impulsively quit and 60% more likely to be fired.  24% of adults on long term sick leave due to stress exhibit ADHD symptoms!!

Clearly this is not okay or acceptable and is something that needs to change.  Similar issues can be found in schools as well.  This is why we need to celebrate neurodiversity and learn how best to support it (please see picture).  And given the world of work is zooming forward at fast speed we need fast ADHD brains that can keep up with this rate of constant change and thinking outside the box.  This therefore may be the most valuable skill a business can have in 2024!

Find Your Spark supports children, their parents and adults with ADHD.  With my professional background and Masters qualification in coaching psychology and from my lived experience, I get just how difficult it can be to live in a world that is not set up for your brain and the problems that come with that so am able to effectively listen to and understand the experience.  I am therefore able to provide brilliant bespoke support to people in how best to look after your needs pre and post assessment.  These services include psychoeducation, pre assessment for ADHD and ADHD coaching post diagnostic support.  These services can be delivered one to one or in a public group and either online or in person as well as in schools and to organisations.

WE are running our ADHD Awareness session once again on 15 April for adults to learn more about ADHD and how it applies not only to the world of work but also life generally. Currently there is an early bird discount till the 26 March where you can buy one ticket for £50 and get one ticket half price. 

A testimonial received from the last sold-out group in January: ‘We attended the awareness session, and it was so informative, and we have now come away more confident and knowledgeable. Thank you so much, it was amazing and such a lovely bunch of people.’

We are also running the ‘Let’s talk about Neurodiversity’ group again with autism assessor, Rhiann Marchant, on 15 May.  Please get in touch by email  [email protected] and she can send the Eventbrite link for both groups plus expression of interest form for future coaching groups for adults and teens.

If you require further details these can be found at www.findyourspark.co.uk and via Eventbrite.  You can also follow us on @FindYourSparkADHD on Instagram and @FindYourSparkUK on Facebook.  We look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Michelle Shavdia, 39, our resident ADHD spokesperson and founder of Find Your Spark, a Start Up Award finalist, is on a mission to raise awareness into the misunderstood condition of ADHD.  This is to help those who have ADHD or suspect they may have as well as those who have a family member, friend, colleague, or client with ADHD.  Her reasoning is to prevent the constant hurt that those with ADHD feel through the misunderstanding of others.  This ignorance is often not their fault, people are still not aware.

Michelle herself was late diagnosed with ADHD at 37 years old.  The reason for the late diagnosis is owing to the commonly erroneous notion, that ADHD is something only ‘hyperactive, naughty boys have’ This led to her being missed and misdiagnosed many times over and this would have been the case for many other females and inattentive males.

The three signs of ADHD are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.  As above, the hyperactive, impulsive presentation is what most people typically think of when they think of ADHD.  However, there is also ADD, which is the inattentive type without the hyperactivity.  Girls can be more likely to suffer from the inattentive type although this is a generalisation as boys too can suffer from ADD too.  This can look like daydreaming, feeling anxious or sad, being ditzy, shy, picking at cuticles on skin and having trouble maintaining friendships.

Michelle is now an ADHD coach and is passionate about creating a society which is more aware, understanding and accepting of neurodivergent differences.  She is also incredibly passionate about helping, supporting and making a difference to the lives of her customers and clients.  These are parents, young people and adults with ADHD.  Find Your Spark was a finalist in the ‘consumer services’ category of the Start Up Awards, 2023 to recognise the work she does with consumers of the Find Your Spark service.

Michelle is sharing the ADHD symptoms and more with the public on July 18 in Colchester and August 20 in Tiptree.  Come join us to identify ADHD symptoms, strengths and challenges and develop coping skills. 

Please email [email protected] and/or visit www.findyourspark.co.uk for further details. 

Testimonials from the last session include: ‘I loved Michelle’s passion and energy and hearing hers and other people’s stories.’

Register for these professional ADHD Coaching sessions via Eventbrite: Copy of ADHD Awareness Group Tickets, Tue 18 Jul 2023 at 19:00 | Eventbrite and this one on August 20 is for parents:  Supporting your Neurodiverse Child Tickets, Sun 20 Aug 2023 at 10:00 | Eventbrite. 

These will be supportive spaces where you can learn, explore, and receive help.  On the back of the sessions we have run thus far, we are looking to run ADHD self-care sessions so please get in touch to express your interest if this would be something you would value.

We look forward to hearing from you and possibly seeing you there!!!

Following on from our last edition:  Michelle Shavdia, 39 is now our resident ADHD spokesperson and will be sharing tips regularly to help those who have ADHD or think that they may have ADHD as well as those who have a family member, friend, colleague or client with ADHD.  It is more common than you think (approximately 2.5 % worldwide but likely much higher) given the past misinformation, which led to adults with the condition only being assessed and diagnosed for it now when it should have occurred when they were children.

Michelle will be giving ADHD hacks and tricks she has picked up that work well for her since being diagnosed with ADHD at 37 years old.  She had spent her youth struggling in chaos, self-medicating and often in self-destruct mode due to this undiagnosed brain condition.  The reason for the late diagnosis is owing to the commonly erroneous notion, that ADHD is something only ‘naughty boys have’ and something you grow out of!  This led to her being missed and misdiagnosed many times over.

Michelle had, despite the odds gone onto become a coaching psychologist and set up the award-winning business ‘Find Your Spark’ to support at risk young people.  However, she found both processes difficult and in part had to become self-employed as she struggled with being an employee.  She would find basic tasks hard, which led to her to thinking that there was something completely wrong with her!  This inability to doing seemingly easy tasks is because, ADHD affects the prefrontal cortex of the brain.  This is to do with executive function, working memory and emotional regulation.  As a result, the main symptoms of ADHD are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Michelle, now an ADHD coach, is passionate about raising awareness into this misunderstood condition.  She was recently on BBC Essex with Rob Jelly on Tuesday 23^rd May from 6-7pm talking about all things ADHD, which you can still listen to via the website www.findyourspark.co.uk The reason for her passion is because ADHD people are nine times more likely to take their own lives due to their heightened emotion and impulsivity traits so it really is important to understand ADHD so we can prevent this from happening.

Whilst there certainly are challenges that come with ADHD to do with organisation, prioritisation, and distraction, there are also lots of strengths.  These do not get celebrated and shared enough.  A few examples include, creativity, which is what comes from having a messy brain: intuition and innovative problem-solving skills.  ADHD people have a can-do, courageous attitude, which certainly helps with entrepreneurialism.

Michelle’s vision is of creating a society which is more aware, understanding and accepting of neurodivergent differences.  This is her purpose and spark. “Looking back in hindsight I can see it all as having been necessary pain, for me to be able to empower and transform others especially the next generation. If I can help just one person not suffer the way that I have done, then the pain would have been worthwhile’.

She is sharing all the ADHD symptoms and what she has learnt about ADHD since her diagnosis with the public, with venues booked in Colchester and Tiptree.  The dates for these are July 18 and August 20.  Please email [email protected] for further details.  Testimonials from the last session include: ‘It was brilliant, I feel so much more clued up on what it is and what life is like for someone with it, how it is diagnosed and how it is treated.  Best of all, I learnt so many superpowers of ADHD humans!!!’

Visit www.findyourspark.co.uk for further information on this and ADHD Coaching.

This is a question that was posed to me recently.  I was somewhat shocked.  Firstly, what is a normal life?  And secondly, why must everyone live the same life anyway!?  Despite the somewhat offensive question, the answer is, that someone with ADHD has the potential to live a fulfilled life full of success.  It may not be quite the norm, but then, like I said, why must everyone’s life be the same?!  If everyone were the same, life would be boring anyway.  Also, ADHD is not something to overcome.  It is something to be understood, accepted, managed and embraced.

This is taken from someone who knows and who hasn’t lived too normal a life and found that when I tried to, it hasn’t worked out well for me.  In fact, the more ‘normally’ I behaved, the less successful and happy I am.  I was more ‘successful’ pre finding out I had ADHD than I am now.  I was all over the place and had a million and one jobs because I couldn’t sit still. Now that I have learnt to sit still and be a bit slower, I have an easier, more sane/normal life, but am having to build up to the success again for myself.  Researchers have found that having a messy brain, which people with ADHD are said to have, is linked to higher creativity so that may in fact be why.  There are so many strengths to being someone with ADHD, intuition, innovativeness, humour and creativity to name just a few and I wouldn’t be without it now that I know what it is and how best to work with it. 

Recently, however, I was able to be more of my true, authentic self.  This was whilst on radio. BBC Essex in fact.  I was invited by one of the producers to come and speak about ADHD and found that I came into my element whilst live on air. Who knew?!  Afterwards, I felt so exhilarated and my true self, I felt like I was on cloud nine and like I had finally arrived.  The link to listen to this interview audio can be found here on BBC Sounds till 22^nd June 2023: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0fkxxrt  . Alternatively, you can find and listen to it here:  Positive resources – Find Your Spark

Following on from this I managed to get printed in a newspaper, the Mersea Courier, thanks to the help and support of Mandie Holgate of the Business Women’s Network and the Insiders who gave great feedback to me.

Getting on the radio and into the newspaper can offer several benefits for small businesses.  Radio and newspapers remain a popular influential medium reaching a broad audience and providing a unique platform for businesses to promote their products or services so I would encourage small businesses to use these forms of marketing too as well as networking such as with the The Business Woman’s Network – As Passionate About Your Success as You Are (thebusinesswomansnetwork.co.uk)

Here are some benefits of using radio for small business marketing:

1. wide audience reach: radio has a broad listenership allowing businesses to reach a large and diverse audience. It can effectively target local communities or specific demographics depending on the station and programming.
2. Cost effectiveness: radio advertising can be more affordable compared to other traditional advertising channels such as television or print media. Small businesses with limited marketing budgets can leverage radio to reach a significant audience without incuring exorbitant costs.
3. Local targeting: many radio stations focus on local regional audiences. This enables small businesses operating within a specific area to directly target potential customers within their community enhancing brand awareness and driving local foot traffic.
4. Frequency and repetition: radius repetitive nature allows for repeated exposure of your business message. Frequent exposure helps reinforce brand recall and can increase likelihood of customers remembering and considering your business when making purchasing decisions.
5. Immediacy and flexibility: radio allows businesses to quickly deliver their message to listeners in real time. This immediacy is particularly useful for time sensitive promotions events or limited time offers.  Additionally, radio advertising campaigns can be easily adjusted or modified to align with changing business objectives.
6. Emotional connection: radio has a personal intimate nature often establishing an emotional connexion with listeners. This characteristic can help small businesses build trust credibility and loyalty with their target audience by effectively conveying their brand story and values.
7. Complement to other marketing channels: radio advertising can work synergistically with other marketing channels such as digital and social media. Integrating your radio campaign with online efforts you can create a cohesive and comprehensive marketing strategy that maximises exposure and engagement.

When considering radio advertising its essential to research and select the right stations that align with your target audience and marketing objectives. Craft compelling and memorable messages that effectively convey your unique selling points and compel listeners to take action. Monitoring the results of your radio campaigns such as tracking increased website traffic or sales enquiries can help gauge the effectiveness and return on investment of your radio advertising efforts.

What I learnt from the process was that it is not as scary as you would imagine especially given all the technology is sorted for you, which is one of my weaknesses.  The key to doing this is to prepare lots in advance (I did three mind maps, first a draft and then two revised, more concise versions).  I also learnt that doing this is an effective way to get your key message across to a wider audience and then be able to use this audio in future marketing to get the word further to your network and beyond.

If you would like to learn more about this and hear the talk plus all the things I didn’t get to say, then I have an ADHD Awareness session on 26^th June where you can do just that: ADHD Awareness Group Tickets, Mon 26 Jun 2023 at 19:00 | Eventbrite We also have a further training on 10^th July which has been booked by popular demand.  Please email [email protected] for further details.  And please remember, if you do know someone with ADHD, to treat them kindly and learn to understand and support them, don’t try to change them.

Did you know that anxiety is very common with ADHD?  50% of us with ADHD also have anxiety.  This includes feeling nervous and on edge even in safe environments, increased heart rate, intrusive thoughts and intense worry, headaches, muscle aches, stomach issues, nausea, exhaustion, insomnia, an urge to avoid anything that triggers the anxiety, second guessing yourself and being unable to decide and thus feeling overwhelmed which can lead to feelings of panic.

This is something I am seeing more and more in my work with neurodivergent children who tend to also have increased rates of anxiety.  Especially since COVID.

Anxiety is a fear of something happening in the future which may not happen.  It may of happened in the past or it may not have done but you think it will happen in the future.

Anxiety comes from within our physiology and not knowing the difference between your perception and reality and being able to down regulate.

Those who are neurodivergent e.g., ADHD or autism or sensitive in any way are more likely to feel anxious.

To add to this, when we are sensitive, any sort of ‘trauma’ is felt much more deeply than someone who isn’t sensitive.  And then what happens when we have been traumatised is that we then disassociate in future situations when triggered by a sight, sound or physiological sensation, it takes us back to the trauma and into our minds and we are no longer in the present/reality/the isness.

What anxiety feels like:

• Overthinking everything
• Not being able to focus/concentrate.
• Everything constantly overwhelming you
• Sleepless nights spent totally worried.
• Heart hurts physically and emotionally
• Little things feel like big things.
• Can lead to panic as system is so overwhelmed.

What can help

• Practicing calming activities especially before bedtime e.g. reading
• Grounding self by walking on earth
• Cold showers
• Writing down worries/problems and sharing them with someone you trust at a planned time, so you don’t spend all day/night worrying about it
• Baby steps to accept uncertainty in life as the only thing certain in life is uncertainty and change.

Hopefully this helps you.  I will share more in future blogs.  If you would like to learn more about this and the interactions between anxiety and ADHD then we have two upcoming groups you can attend in person ADHD Awareness Group Tickets, Mon 19 Jun 2023 at 19:00 | Eventbrite and ADHD Awareness Group Tickets, Mon 26 Jun 2023 at 19:00 | Eventbrite  Or if one to one is preferred please email Amanda ([email protected]) to book in either an exploratory call or an assessment to discuss how we can help you and/or your child.  In the meantime, take care and look after yourself.

To those of you who didn’t see or hear about it, Prince Harry was ‘diagnosed with ADHD.’  I use this term loosely and in quotation marks as it was not a proper diagnosis by any means and was done based on Gabor Mate (who is not a psychiatrist) reading his book. Given that I have ADHD, and I have always had a soft spot for Harry and his way of being, it kind of makes sense but again, it is not fact as he has not gone through the proper ADHD diagnosis assessment, which one has to do in order to be properly diagnosed with anything.

Otherwise, anyone could say, ‘I have a bit of ADHD!!’  I suspected for most of my childhood, teenage and adult life that I was different to people around me, but I didn’t know it was because of ADHD.  I struggled doing things like tying my shoelaces and getting dressed when others did not and thrived where others found challenge such as academically psychologically. I have tried to conform for most of my life for fear of judgement.  I think some of the reflection and even sadness comes from a realisation that I’m 39, and only now beginning to understand why I am as I am which makes me think, how many other Michelle’s are out there, who are asking themselves ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I different?’ or even worse being punished for being themselves. 

Neurodivergent people are often expected to fit neatly into a certain box society expects them to be able to do so.

Many of the best people I know have ADHD, displayed in many ways.  It got me to thinking about the well-known and not so well-known people who have ADHD in the media, some of whom give ADHD a good name and some who are unfortunately not. Females with ADHD include comedy great and hero of mine growing up, Whoopi Goldberg, Emma Watson, who played Hermione in Harry Potter and Olivia Attwood, reality star, presenter and so much more whose ADHD is evident in her humour that’s for sure.  Solange Knowles, Paris Hilton, and Spice Girl Mel B have also all previously spoken about being diagnosed with the condition.

An Essex, the county I live in, ‘celebrity’ who you may or may not know is Tommy Mallet from The Only Way is Essex who was only diagnosed with having ADHD last year. His anger outbursts on the programme along with his entrepreneurial drive (he founded a shoe company Mallets which is very successful) and his resilience are all signs of ADHD (over 50% of entrepreneurs have ADHD) are evidence of this.  I do not watch The Only Way is Essex anymore, but I did watch ‘Georgia and Tommy, Baby Steps’ which looked in-depth at this diagnosis, and I found it to be a really well made programme which was heart-breaking in parts.  Tommy is sensitive to sound which made it difficult having a new born baby who obviously cries.  I can relate to this (the sounds, not the baby part) and people with ADHD are known to be more sensitive to sound, taste and feeling/textures as well as emotion.

Everyone’s favourite pirate?

Someone else you may or may not have known who has ADHD is Johnny Depp (which may explain some of what went on recently between himself and Amber Heard.); Justin Timberlake and Will I am, both super talented and creative visionaries and Jamie Oliver, cooking extraordinaire who went on to have multiple enterprises based on his initial cooking vision.

Going back to the entrepreneurial streaks that people with ADHD have, Richard Branson has ADHD and said that once he was able to harness his talents and imagination, he was able to build a phenomenal business empire.

There are some with ADHD who give it a bad name and reputation but do they really?! Or is it that their ADHD has not been spotted in time and therefore not treated and supported, which is what is needed (see the earlier blog post discussing this on the Find Your Spark website).  There was a case recently of a young man who tragically stabbed his grandmother to death and they spoke of how he was not getting the right help for his ADHD and was often self-medicating with cannabis.  This is a really sad state of affairs, which could have been prevented.  Stephen Bear, another Essex reality ‘star’ has also been diagnosed with ADHD and like him or loathe him, he is certainly a character and one wonders whether his ADHD was manipulated as he clearly does not know the meaning of boundaries.

Challenge or Superpower?

I hope I have illustrated that whilst having ADHD can come with some challenges that need support it also comes with lots of gifts and strengths and when you learn how to manage and grow confident in this, it can become what some would call superpowers.  People with ADHD have energy, creativity and inspiration which many neurotypical people do not have.  There is a difference between neurodivergent and neurotypical people/brains for sure but different doesn’t mean wrong, it’s just that you have a way of thinking and perceiving the world that others do not have.  Thom Hartmaan speaks about the Hunter vs Farmer way of being which I feel resonates here and is something I will share in a future blog.  I also hope I have reframed ADHD for you as often it can be perceived negatively e.g., ‘naughty boys who cannot sit still’ but actually the reason they cannot sit still is because they have so much energy which is not being utilised in the right way.  If utilised in the right way by an ADHD coach who understands the ADHD brain (along with medication if wanted) these challenges can be mediated.  If you are looking for the most personable, ADHD coach, Essex has to offer, then look no further and do get in touch to book a free 30 minute exploratory call to see if I am the right fit to help you.  Email [email protected] or visit my website www.findyourspark.co.uk to find out more.  I look forward to hearing from you!!!