Did you know that anxiety is very common with ADHD?  50% of us with ADHD also have anxiety.  This includes feeling nervous and on edge even in safe environments, increased heart rate, intrusive thoughts and intense worry, headaches, muscle aches, stomach issues, nausea, exhaustion, insomnia, an urge to avoid anything that triggers the anxiety, second guessing yourself and being unable to decide and thus feeling overwhelmed which can lead to feelings of panic.

This is something I am seeing more and more in my work with neurodivergent children who tend to also have increased rates of anxiety.  Especially since COVID.

Anxiety is a fear of something happening in the future which may not happen.  It may of happened in the past or it may not have done but you think it will happen in the future.

Anxiety comes from within our physiology and not knowing the difference between your perception and reality and being able to down regulate.

Those who are neurodivergent e.g., ADHD or autism or sensitive in any way are more likely to feel anxious.

To add to this, when we are sensitive, any sort of ‘trauma’ is felt much more deeply than someone who isn’t sensitive.  And then what happens when we have been traumatised is that we then disassociate in future situations when triggered by a sight, sound or physiological sensation, it takes us back to the trauma and into our minds and we are no longer in the present/reality/the isness.

What anxiety feels like:

• Overthinking everything
• Not being able to focus/concentrate.
• Everything constantly overwhelming you
• Sleepless nights spent totally worried.
• Heart hurts physically and emotionally
• Little things feel like big things.
• Can lead to panic as system is so overwhelmed.

What can help

• Practicing calming activities especially before bedtime e.g. reading
• Grounding self by walking on earth
• Cold showers
• Writing down worries/problems and sharing them with someone you trust at a planned time, so you don’t spend all day/night worrying about it
• Baby steps to accept uncertainty in life as the only thing certain in life is uncertainty and change.

Hopefully this helps you.  I will share more in future blogs.  If you would like to learn more about this and the interactions between anxiety and ADHD then we have two upcoming groups you can attend in person ADHD Awareness Group Tickets, Mon 19 Jun 2023 at 19:00 | Eventbrite and ADHD Awareness Group Tickets, Mon 26 Jun 2023 at 19:00 | Eventbrite  Or if one to one is preferred please email Amanda (amanda@findyourspark.koala-digital.co.uk) to book in either an exploratory call or an assessment to discuss how we can help you and/or your child.  In the meantime, take care and look after yourself.

To those of you who didn’t see or hear about it, Prince Harry was ‘diagnosed with ADHD.’  I use this term loosely and in quotation marks as it was not a proper diagnosis by any means and was done based on Gabor Mate (who is not a psychiatrist) reading his book. Given that I have ADHD, and I have always had a soft spot for Harry and his way of being, it kind of makes sense but again, it is not fact as he has not gone through the proper ADHD diagnosis assessment, which one has to do in order to be properly diagnosed with anything.

Otherwise, anyone could say, ‘I have a bit of ADHD!!’  I suspected for most of my childhood, teenage and adult life that I was different to people around me, but I didn’t know it was because of ADHD.  I struggled doing things like tying my shoelaces and getting dressed when others did not and thrived where others found challenge such as academically psychologically. I have tried to conform for most of my life for fear of judgement.  I think some of the reflection and even sadness comes from a realisation that I’m 39, and only now beginning to understand why I am as I am which makes me think, how many other Michelle’s are out there, who are asking themselves ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I different?’ or even worse being punished for being themselves. 

Neurodivergent people are often expected to fit neatly into a certain box society expects them to be able to do so.

Many of the best people I know have ADHD, displayed in many ways.  It got me to thinking about the well-known and not so well-known people who have ADHD in the media, some of whom give ADHD a good name and some who are unfortunately not. Females with ADHD include comedy great and hero of mine growing up, Whoopi Goldberg, Emma Watson, who played Hermione in Harry Potter and Olivia Attwood, reality star, presenter and so much more whose ADHD is evident in her humour that’s for sure.  Solange Knowles, Paris Hilton, and Spice Girl Mel B have also all previously spoken about being diagnosed with the condition.

An Essex, the county I live in, ‘celebrity’ who you may or may not know is Tommy Mallet from The Only Way is Essex who was only diagnosed with having ADHD last year. His anger outbursts on the programme along with his entrepreneurial drive (he founded a shoe company Mallets which is very successful) and his resilience are all signs of ADHD (over 50% of entrepreneurs have ADHD) are evidence of this.  I do not watch The Only Way is Essex anymore, but I did watch ‘Georgia and Tommy, Baby Steps’ which looked in-depth at this diagnosis, and I found it to be a really well made programme which was heart-breaking in parts.  Tommy is sensitive to sound which made it difficult having a new born baby who obviously cries.  I can relate to this (the sounds, not the baby part) and people with ADHD are known to be more sensitive to sound, taste and feeling/textures as well as emotion.

Everyone’s favourite pirate?

Someone else you may or may not have known who has ADHD is Johnny Depp (which may explain some of what went on recently between himself and Amber Heard.); Justin Timberlake and Will I am, both super talented and creative visionaries and Jamie Oliver, cooking extraordinaire who went on to have multiple enterprises based on his initial cooking vision.

Going back to the entrepreneurial streaks that people with ADHD have, Richard Branson has ADHD and said that once he was able to harness his talents and imagination, he was able to build a phenomenal business empire.

There are some with ADHD who give it a bad name and reputation but do they really?! Or is it that their ADHD has not been spotted in time and therefore not treated and supported, which is what is needed (see the earlier blog post discussing this on the Find Your Spark website).  There was a case recently of a young man who tragically stabbed his grandmother to death and they spoke of how he was not getting the right help for his ADHD and was often self-medicating with cannabis.  This is a really sad state of affairs, which could have been prevented.  Stephen Bear, another Essex reality ‘star’ has also been diagnosed with ADHD and like him or loathe him, he is certainly a character and one wonders whether his ADHD was manipulated as he clearly does not know the meaning of boundaries.

Challenge or Superpower?

I hope I have illustrated that whilst having ADHD can come with some challenges that need support it also comes with lots of gifts and strengths and when you learn how to manage and grow confident in this, it can become what some would call superpowers.  People with ADHD have energy, creativity and inspiration which many neurotypical people do not have.  There is a difference between neurodivergent and neurotypical people/brains for sure but different doesn’t mean wrong, it’s just that you have a way of thinking and perceiving the world that others do not have.  Thom Hartmaan speaks about the Hunter vs Farmer way of being which I feel resonates here and is something I will share in a future blog.  I also hope I have reframed ADHD for you as often it can be perceived negatively e.g., ‘naughty boys who cannot sit still’ but actually the reason they cannot sit still is because they have so much energy which is not being utilised in the right way.  If utilised in the right way by an ADHD coach who understands the ADHD brain (along with medication if wanted) these challenges can be mediated.  If you are looking for the most personable, ADHD coach, Essex has to offer, then look no further and do get in touch to book a free 30 minute exploratory call to see if I am the right fit to help you.  Email info@findyourspark.koala-digital.co.uk or visit my website www.findyourspark.co.uk to find out more.  I look forward to hearing from you!!!

Hello there! Michelle here.  Hope you are all keeping well.  I want to start sharing some of my musings to see if it is useful to anyone and to connect and engage with you all.  Hope you find it useful!!

I recently watched the Hatchet Killing Hitchhiker.  Have you seen it?  If not, I would encourage you to, it’s on Netflix and is very compelling.  I won’t share the ending in case you have not seen it (spoiler alert, there’s a killing 😉 but after watching it I felt incredibly sad and heartbroken for this young man and the thousands of men like him who are in similar situations as he is.

Reason being, as children there are so many missed opportunities for nurture and what we see instead is neglect and emotional, mental and physical abuse.  This has a devastating impact on a child’s development (case in point, the hitchhiker) especially if there is undiagnosed and untreated ADHD there as well.

As adults, we have a responsibility to look after our little ones be it our own or those of our families to ensure they develop and grow up to be the good citizens of the future.  And if there are concerns and conditions there, to ensure they get addressed as early as possible and not wait till they are an adult and something bad happens.  Prevention not cure has always been my motto.

We are seeing a rise in ADHD diagnoses now which I am grateful for as so many of us have spent years not knowing what was going on with us however what it does mean is that so many of us have been unsupported and mismanaged because of this.  The worldwide prevalence of adult ADHD is estimated at 2.6%, but the majority of these cases remain undiagnosed. Due to scepticism and negativity, ADHD wasn’t given the attention it needed, nor were medical professionals given education on neurodiversity.

ADHD was only recognised as a valid condition in the UK in 2000, and officially recognised as an adult condition in 2008. Prior to that, there was a lot of scepticism around ADHD, and it was believed that children grew out of it. This has meant that generations of adults have gone undiagnosed and untreated, unable to manage their condition correctly until they are in later life. This has caused profound damage to many adults who have received late diagnoses, with negative effects around self-esteem and social life, leading to impaired quality of life and significant problems as adults. An estimated 30% of prisoners have ADHD, with people often being criminalised due to issues like anger, disenfranchisement and addiction which are potentially rooted in lack of diagnosis.

To end, my point is that whilst it is great that ADHD is finally getting the attention it deserves, what it does mean is that there are generations out there who have not been assessed, diagnosed, and treated and will therefore have faced difficulties throughout their lives.

It has always been my intention and the why to my business, to support young people so that they don’t end up going down that path due to having ADHD or otherwise and my passion for this is as strong now as it was when I set Find Your Spark up in 2011.

Let me know in the comments or message me directly to let me know your thoughts and whether you agree or disagree with my sentiments.  I appreciate my perspective may be different to yours, but that’s okay, we are allowed to have different opinions.  I just hope that we leave the world a better place than how we found it!!

If you would like to work with me be it via ADHD coaching or otherwise, get in touch with Amanda who can book you in. 

Might poetry be one answer to the current mental health crisis? Especially feelings of loneliness? Poetry lets us connect with other people who have experienced similar sentiments. We’re not alone in our despair or delight. When we have a poem by our side, whether tucked into a bag or on a bedside table, it feels like we’re being accompanied by a friend: an authorial arm is wrapped around our shoulders.

Which is why I have written my new book about how poetry can become an unexpected part of your mental health toolkit: ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone: Poems for Life’s Ups and Downs.’

Take George Herbert’s poem ‘Love (111)’. The narrator in the poem encapsulates his own sense of desperation: he feels ‘guilty of dust and sin’, which described how I felt when I was unwell. And by describing the pain in an artistically perfect way, Herbert draws its sting. The perfection of his words allowed me to inhabit that feeling, rather than resisting or fearing it.

To take another example: Derek Walcott’s poem ‘Love After Love’. A woman read the poem at a poetry workshop I was running at my local hospital under the auspices of a mental health charity. As her trickle of tears became a torrent, we were spellbound as we waited for her to regain her composure. Here is the poem’s opening verse:

 ‘The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other’s welcome’

The poem encapsulated her journey of self-acceptance. ‘I feel understood,’ she said eventually, and we in turn all understood what she meant. She had, in Walcott’s words, struggled to ‘love again the stranger who was yourself ’. The poet’s compassionate invitation which ends the poem to: ‘Sit. Feast on your life’ was the invitation she needed, in language that spoke to her, to imagine loving herself in a way she had found so hard

In my work as a mental health advocate and ambassador for several mental charities including SANE and Rethink mental illness, it’s become more and more clear to me that there are not enough therapists to go round. Yet the need for psychological support is ever increasing with the cost of living crisis and the aftermath of Covid leaving many feeling desperate.

As Dr Carla Croft, a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at Barts Health NHS, says: “There is now too much mental health need for us to be keeping our heads strictly in the ‘one therapist in a room with one client model”. Dr Croft agrees that poetry is something that people can start turning to themselves, no appointment needed, and can be a fresh approach to those in psychological distress.

For many, the pandemic exacerbated feelings of not belonging, as did the lack of access to mental health resources. More happily, however, it also led to pockets of poetry sharing, whether online, in doctor’s surgeries, or in poetry workshops like the Healing Words ones I myself have been running for the past six years.

There’s plenty of data that poetry can help our wellbeing. To take just one recent example, a 2021 study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics found that a group of 44 hospitalised children who were encouraged to read and write poetry saw reductions in fear, sadness, anger, worry and fatigue (5). Poetry was a welcome distraction from stress and an opportunity for self-reflection, the researchers concluded.

• Delamerced A, Panicker C, Monteiro K, Chung EY. Effects of a Poetry Intervention on Emotional Wellbeing in Hospitalized Paediatric Patients. Hospital Pediatrics 2021; 11(3): 263-69. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1542/hpeds.2020-002535.

Just possibly, turning to poetry might prove the most effective mental health tool you’ve never tried. Worth a go, when so many of us feel we’re walking alone.

Rachel Kelly’s new book You’ll Never Walk Alone: Poems for Life’s Ups and Downs is published by Yellow Kite.

Read our leaflet for details on our new self-empowerment group course!

We ran two parent groups with Sue Anderton online, one for parents without additional needs (neurodiverse), helping them navigate the SEN process and a brand new support group for parents with additional needs.

Feedback from SEN navigation process:

‘What I learnt was to listen, take time to understand why something has been suggested or not suggested and to focus more on the long term plan.’

‘What I enjoyed was realizing that I was not the only one feeling deflated or having to argue and that underneath all that there are positives’

‘What I learnt was to go in a meeting and listen more, accept that you may have to have to compromise at times or try new advice given and what I enjoyed was hearing other people’s stories so I realised I was not alone and the information given’

‘What I enjoyed most about the group was the open, honest, frank discussions about what
actually happens and how best to deal with those situations.’

Feedback received from ND group includes:

‘Going to the group helped me cope, knowing that I could speak to a group of people who would not only listen but who also understood how I was feeling and offered me some really good advice. It helped me remain grounded and realise I could cope with what was thrown at me, I also feel that I have made some good friends who I can talk to outside of the sessions’

‘I looked forward to this group, as I was with other parents in the same position as me, so
found it very helpful for my own mental health. We have made our own group up, and chat regularly.’

‘The parent’s group is a fantastic idea. It combines peer group and professional support in a way which encourages the members of the group to make positive changes to their own lives at the same time as valuing every person's unique journey. The biggest part of the group was allowing each parent to feel heard and accepted.

As a parent of a child who has additional learning and support needs I have found that many of the professionals who makeup the ‘supporting services’, do not have the time or willingness to really listen to parents. It is often a box ticking exercise which dehumanises families and erodes parents confidence and self-esteem. If the parent has additional support needs of their own the system is often confusing at best and impossible to navigate at worst, leaving the whole family unsupported.

Having a group that is genuinely interested in finding out about the parent’s support needs, with the added benefit of having professionals from a range of different areas to provide sign posting, has meant that what, to me, looked like a brick wall with no way through, has now become a possibility of making a doorway through to something else.

There is still a long way to go but I now understand that there are ways forward and I have more information to help me with the next steps that I will need to take with my son.’

We plan on running both of these again on Zoom from September so get in touch to find out
more or visit the MAZE website to book online
https://www.themazegroup.co.uk/product/how-to-navigate-the-send-system-in-uncertain-
times-may-2021/ when the new dates are released. It was lovely collaborating with Sue
again to deliver this!

We have now finished our first parent cohort who received x4 sessions BRIEF Solution Focused Therapy. 

Here is what they had to say about they gained from the service:

[su_quote style=”carbon”]It’s been so useful, michelle is amazing and has helped me so much to feel better and increase my confidence.[/su_quote]

[su_quote]I have just completed a parenting course with Michelle who I found to be engaging, motivational and a superb practitioner. The course was user friendly and enjoyable. I have learnt lots of new parenting strategies and now feel more confident moving forwards. I highly recommend this course to any parent. No matter what your parenting style is you will learn something about yourself and your family. Thank you Michelle.[/su_quote]

[su_quote]Since having my sessions with Michelle I’ve seen a great improvement in my relationship with my daughter, and also feel much happier and more settled in myself. These sessions have equipped me to handle more challenging situations in the future. I would definitely recommend Michelle to others who may be finding their parent-child relationship strained or challenging.[/su_quote]

[su_quote]This course was recommended to me by my son’s counsellor and it could not have come at a better time for us as a family. We have been through a difficult few weeks and Michelle’s sensitive and non-judgmental support has been invaluable.  I have learnt things about myself and about my parenting doing this work and my scores were dramatically improved by the end of the 4 sessions. This is a great short course with visible results. Thanks Michelle, I really appreciated this course and feel much more positive as a result of your wise and gentle support.[/su_quote]

We are excited to announce that we will be running our successful course “How to navigate the SEND system” again.

The new course is starting on Thursday 20th May from 1-2pm via Zoom.  Places cost £35 per family and booking is via the MAZE website here: https://www.themazegroup.co.uk/product/how-to-navigate-the-send-system-in-uncertain-times-april-2021/

The course will include:

An explanation of how the SEND system works:

• The SEND stages
• SEND law
• The legal definition of Special Educational Needs and Disability
• What rights children/young people and parent/carers have

How to have difficult conversations:

• Critical thinking skills
• Confidence
• Assertiveness
• Empowerment

Practical strategies and “mindset” coaching

The course begins via Zoom on Thursday 20th May 2021 from 1-2pm and then every Thursday up to and including 8th July.

Cost = £35        Only 15 places available

Here is what previous parents had to say about what they gained from this course:

“I learned how to have a collaborative meeting and approach it calmly.”

“I am the expert on my child.”

“I have learned that there’s a lot of psychology involved in dealing with official people – try not to let confirmation bias reappear & I mustn’t give away my power!”

“I am more confident with professionals supporting my child.”

“I feel confident with the Annual Review process and now I need to get an effective One Plan review behind me. I’ve now got a great template, so I’ll be studying that when the time comes.”

“I think your course could help so many people. I have tried to keep myself well informed, but your course has changed my perspective on how I use that knowledge.”

There is a short video to explain this course further via this link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmVDSLzpOh4

We hope that you will join us for an essential learning journey on how to get the best SEND support for your child.

Sue and Michelle.

Denise Carroll joins Find Your Spark Team as Strategy & Programme Development Consultant.

Denise has obtained a BA in Behavioural Science; Post Graduate Certificate in Education (PGCE); NLP Practitioner; and in more recent years studied Personal Performance Coaching and Corporate Social Responsibility.

Denise has primarily focused her career working within the charitable field. Her experience spans from on the ground design, and delivery of Education; Employability, Personal Development and Leadership programmes for those involved in crime, violence and social exclusion to Management of a charity leading a large multi-disciplinary team across an array of services (Boxing/Martial Arts; Education; Employability; Support Services; & Youth Leadership).

In most recent years, Denise has evolved into the world of consultancy – primarily working with organisations on two fronts:
1. To improve productivity, performance, and sustainability of their programmes and services and 2. Supporting organisation with the design and development of their Corporate Social Responsibility Strategy and programmes.

Denise is passionate about supporting people and organisations to reach their full potential and believes quality lies in the core of creating great services and programmes that not only support people but creates sustainable, long- term, positive changes in people’s life.